Something to cheer you up...

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take her foot of his head.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is Chinese.